As much as I wanted to be 100% hands on with the 2 kids, I have long accepted the fact that working full time would inadvertently mean, I cannot be there for them everyday. However, when my eldest, Cesca, started grade school this year, I made a concious decision to be as involved as I can with her school work.
That means going through her diary at the end of the day making sure that all assignments and projects were answered and done. I also made it a point to ask her how her day at school went.
And so I was thoroughly surprised when she told us one day that she tried out for a dancing contest at school that afternoon! She along with some classmates danced to the Nae Nae song in front of some teachers.
My first reaction was “My kid honestly cannot dance.” As her mom, I know this. I asked her how it went and without batting an eyelash, my 6 year old answered, “It was okay, Mom. It was fun, too bad I wasn’t chosen’.
My heart flipped 180 degrees.
I checked for her reaction and was relieved to see that she seemed unfazed about it. When I tucked her in, I asked her again, “Are you sure you’re okay that you weren’t chosen?” and she said, “Yes, Mom. I’ll join the singing contest tomorrow instead.” I asked her again, “What if you don’t get picked again?“. My darling daughter then replied, medyo annoyed “It’s okay. Mom. At least me and my friends are happy.”
Believe me, I didn’t mean to be such a nag but I guess it’s just mother’s instinct to shelter our kids from any kind of rejection specially at such an early age. When I was younger, I didn’t take rejection well myself so I was amazed at how my daughter dealt with hers.
I know for a fact that this will just be the first of the many disappointments and heartaches (!) that she will experience.
Below are some of the tips I gathered on how we can help our kids deal with rejection:

  1. Let her express her disappointment and listen but keep your emotion in check. Allowing your kid to voice out her disappointment fosters open communication between the two of you but there is also a fine line between mothering and smothering. Most of the time, jumping in to fix the situation wouldn’t really help. Let your kid process her emotion by herself by taking a back seat and watch her confidence grow.
  2. Efforts are what’s valuable, not the achievements. Who wouldn’t be proud if your kid came home from school with As and 100s? However stressing the value of these achievements sends the wrong signal to your child making them afraid of failing. Praising their determination and hard work makes it easier for them to bounce back and persevere in case they get a B next time.
  3. Be a good example. Let your kids know how you personally deal with rejection (hopefully with optimism) and they will likely emulate it themselves.

You see, something like this may seem like it’s not a big deal, but it was for me. The guilt of not being a stay-at-home mom never left me, so on these rare moments when I get to see this side of daughter’s character, I felt somehow relieved na maybe I’m doing something right. 🙂
Do you have any other tips you’d like to share? Feel free to comment below!

31 thoughts on “3 Helpful Tips on How to Help Your Kids Deal with Rejection”

  1. Oh well, that’s okay! rejection is part of your growing up.. Maybe next time mas ma develop pa ang skills nya sa singing and dancing. I do believe that your daughter is a smart girl.

    1. That’s what I was thinking 🙂 Sabi ko na lang sa kanya, we’ll enroll her in dancing and singing lessons next summer vacation. But what made my day was how she took it like a pro 🙂

  2. “it’s okay, try again…” My son is 3 and this is the line we have successfully used in facing disappointments when a tower of Lego would fall, or something won’t work well. He used to get mad or cry, but this phrase has helped him face such disappointments. =)

  3. I think it’s much harder for us parents when our kids face rejection. But you’re right, we must teach and lead by example so they deal with these things properly.

  4. Your little girl is one brave soul! Her response to you depicts so much courage at such a young age. I especially love the part when she said “Masaya naman kami ng friends ko”. It’s the journey not the destination as they say. Adults can definitely learn a lot from kids too.
    In this day of over-flaunting everything in social media, I really resent parents who post report cards of their children for the whole world to know, especially those cards with high grades. It just might send the wrong message to the child, that they’ve earned their parents affirmation and approval only because they’re doing well in school but what happens if they don’t? It’s one scary thing to fathom

    1. That’s what makes me proud the most 🙂 That she sees the fun out of it instead of dwelling on the ‘rejection’ part. Hay sarap maging bata!
      It’s human nature I guess to flaunt the things that we have, specially if it makes us proud, but you are correct that we need to filter these lalo na when we need to set an example for our kids 🙂

  5. Awww I can just imagine how heartbreaking that felt when she told you! 🙁
    Kudos for handling it well. Grown-ups get rejected too, so your tips are also helpful to us adults! 🙂

  6. This is a good tip for mommies. I’m glad your daughter knows to handle rejections properly. At her age, she’s well behaved. I’ve shared something about encouraging healthy communication with our kids on my mumsdailyph.com blog. I think my suggestions there will help in teaching how kids and parents alike should behave. 🙂

    1. Sorry it took so long to reply, got swamped with life haha. Just checked your site and have spent my break going through your posts. Loved it 🙂

  7. I still think your daughter is brave. She may be destined for other things. I’ve seen this with my parents to my baby bro, they just support him until he finally found something he was good at (and not rejected hehe). It’s part of life. 🙂

  8. You raised and nurtured her in a very loving and accepting family. Thus, she’s able to handle the rejection. Congrats for being a supermom! Cheers to you and your hubby!

  9. You’ve raised your daughter well. She is an optimistic little girl. Maswerte ka, not all kids are like that. That’s the beauty of being a parent, we also learn from their attitude. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. These are helpful in building self-steem of the next generation

    1. I agree with you. There is so much we can learn from children. In this case, it was not a message from her child. It was more the act of doing something that made mommy realize something. Realizations are good. It makes us focus on what is ahead.

  10. I’m not a mother yet, but I somehow get your point. I can imagine that I’d be a little worried too if my kid experiences rejection. I know how painful rejection can be, but you seem to be on the right track. By showing her your concern, by asking her, you are already helping her a lot. Nothing is more painful than dealing with rejection at such a young age and no one is there to explain things to you, or nobody is asking if you are okay (speaking from experience hehehe…). Dealing with rejection is one of the things that I believe, we should teach the children. Because in this generation, the young people don’t seem to know how to handle rejection well.

    1. Hi Marge! That was my real concern. I know too well how it felt to be rejected (not a good feeling) and I just wanted to make her feel that it is okay but at the same time take it as a challenge. Never too early to instill this value I guess.

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